Amazing! Just yesterday our fearless leader, President Bravman, shared an exciting new addition to our campus over email:
“I am please to announce that Bucknell received a generous pledge to construct an Eye of Sauron on campus. After consulting with the board of trustees and the Dark Lord, Destroyer of Men, I have accepted the offer. We are thrilled to welcome the all-seeing one to our campus community.”
He continued – “Many losers and haters, of which there are many, have questioned this decision. I would like to use this email to answer some of those concerns. For one, this will be the best Eye of Sauron on any college campus in America. It will be an exact, 5,000 foot tall replica of the Dark Fortress of Mordor. The glory and wrath of Sauron will manifest for hundreds of miles!”
After praising “Lord” Sauron in some impeccable Old English, Bravman returned to answer pressing student concerns:
“Many have asked me: Johnny Bravo, where are you even gonna’ fit this thing? So we’re going to blow up the only remaining parking lot on campus and put the tower there. Pretty sick, right? Anyway, your tuition is obviously getting jacked up more now. How does 90 Gs a semester sound? Good? Good.”
Wow! Another helpful and informative email update from our dear leader. Thank you Johnny B!